


With My Whole Heart

by Alt_er_Lucas



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Friends, Eliott is a good writer, Eliott's been pining for years..., Eliott's romantic as heck what's new, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oops, Rating will change, Slow Burn, if you know what i mean ;), moving back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alt_er_Lucas/pseuds/Alt_er_Lucas
Summary: Lucas is moving back to his home community after 5 years of living in the city with his mother. After his mother could no longer take care of him due to her mental illness, Lucas is forced to move-in with his father. The situation itself is stressful for Lucas, he doesn’t trust his father and he isn’t sure how he is going to be welcomed by his only friend Yann, Chloe seems to believe it’s fate that they were meant to be together despite his best attempts to diminish those hopes without coming across as being rude.Oh! And one last thing, he has to see his childhood friend Eliott Demaury again.





	1. Unexpected News

**Author's Note:**

> Hi okay so before we get started, I just need to say that yes the title is called that, because we love Sufjan Stevens in this house. :) Also, I've been hoping to write a fan fiction about Eliott and Lucas since February but I never got around to it, yet here we are. It's missing them hours. It's also exam season for me right now but I promise I will get at least 3 chapters written. Enjoy! Kudos and Comments are welcome as heck ;)
> 
> Reminder: This is one of my first fan fictions be gentle on my writing if you can.

     When Lucas’s mother told him that he was going to have to move to his fathers in the next month, Lucas was overwhelmed, to say the least. Things hadn’t been going well for a while with his mother’s mental health, but Lucas was convinced that they would get through it somehow. “Minute by minute,” she had promised but not in this case.

     “Mama! I can’t do this,” Lucas had said, pacing in the kitchen smelling distinctively of bleach. His mother must’ve been doing one of her obsessive cleaning sprees again. “We left five years ago, to what? Get away from my father, and now you want me to go back? You can’t just kick me out like this! I have a life here, one we started together.”

     His mother had hung her head and avoided eye contact, which had made Lucas guilty at the time but what was he supposed to do in this situation? He simply couldn’t go back to his Dad’s house. He had a group of friend’s here, not amazing friend’s but friends nevertheless. He was two years away from graduating with full honours at his high school which he had worked so hard on. This was where he had made his home, how could he possibly leave?

     Yet here he was now, his father driving him to his house, his eyes trained on the traffic and completely ignoring Lucas. Lucas had grudgingly packed a few boxes, and belongings. He had said his goodbyes to his few friend’s, who promised to stay in contact but Lucas knew better. Whatever their friendships might’ve been, it would never be the same. Then lastly he had said goodbye to his mother. It had been difficult, Lucas was still grumpy about how he had to leave, but he understood probably better than anyone why it had to be done. His mother had cried and held him, constantly apologizing for being unable to provide the life they had wanted. Lucas reassured her that he understood and that he would miss her, and then she was off to a permanent mental hospital, cities away from him. As soon as she was gone, Lucas missed her but was greeted with his father’s presence (or lack of it. )

     They had been sitting in the car for hours now and had probably had only spoken a few sentences to each other. He had asked how he was (like he cared) and had told him that he would be attending the local high school in the next week. Which had brought to mind, things Lucas would rather ignore. Unfortunately, due to the absence of conversation between him and his father, it gave him a good six hours to think about those exact things.

     Like memories of his friend Yann, who he had actually kept in contact with. In fact last summer, Yann had stayed with him and his mother for two weeks. They Skype-ed every month and kept a 392-day streak on Snapchat. He was kind of excited to see him again, but he was nervous about how he was going to be welcomed back, or if he was going to be ‘welcomed’ at all. He had left for five years after all. Everyone was grown up now and in high school.

     Then, of course, he had to think about seeing Eliott. Eliott Demaury. They had been former best friend’s and Lucas had promised to stay in contact, but he had grown jealous of how Eliott had made new friends that he always talked about in the letters he sent. Eliott had said that since he was two years older than Lucas it was his job to teach him sophisticated things, like sending letters instead of texting. However, with Lucas’s increasing jealousy of Eliott's new friends and how he seemed to be completely fine without him, he slowly stopped writing pages to Eliott, until the letters stopped all-together. The last letter Eliott sent him was a drawing of a sad raccoon, which made absolutely no sense to Lucas. And besides, who sent letters at his age? It’s not like it was the 1950’s.

     Lucas had searched Eliott on the internet throughout the years, but he didn’t seem to have any social media, which confused him. No Facebook (not that Lucas used it either, that was an old-person app), no Instagram, and no Snapchat. Eliott still sent birthday cards every year. Lucas kept all 5 of them stacked away in a suitcase. He never sent any to Eliott and felt mildly bad about it. Not that it mattered, but Lucas was nervous to see him. The last time he had seen him he had been 10 years old and Eliott had been 12. How did he grow up? What did he look like? Would he make Lucas feel self-conscious? Would he completely ignore him like his father was doing at this very moment? What did his voice sound like? Was he handso-

     “We’re almost home. The forecast said that it’s going to rain soon, so get out as soon as you can and carry as many boxes as possible so we don’t need to take unnecessary trips. I’ll help you carry stuff up to your room. You can stay in your old bedroom, the apartment’s still small but we’ll make it work.” Lucas’s father said interrupting his thoughts while keeping his eyes trained to the road not even glancing over.

     When Lucas was finally moved-in, back into his old bedroom and his boxes set out haphazardly around the room, he sat on his unmade bed and stared at the wall. How had a month changed so much? He ended up falling asleep and his father didn’t even notice.

***

     Lucas had the weekend to prepare himself for going to a new high school, both mentally and physically. It was not enough time to prepare if he was being honest but he tried. Yann had come and seen him the next day and brought along two other guys. Their names were Arthur and Basile. Arthur was cool, Basile was a bit odd but seemed genuine enough. They spent the weekend helping him set up and making him feel at home, which they surprisingly did. Lucas felt like he had known them for years. Except for one time when Basile tried to give him a high-five and Yann and Arthur surged forward yelling “STOP!” much to Basile’s disappointment. It was just another reminder that they had been friends for a long time and had inside-jokes he didn’t understand.

     “You know this is so great! Lucas, now it’s no longer the three musketeers, it’s the four musketeers!” Basile said munching loudly on a sandwich.

     “Um Basile, that’s not-” Arthur started, looking at Lucas apologetically.

     “No! I mean now if we have to partner up on projects we have an equal number of people to divide into. Wow, Lucas, you’re the coolest” Basile continued on, pulling out a crumpled notebook out of his bag, clearly water damaged. “I have an idea, write your name and number in here so I can add you to our group chat.” He turned the pages to a blank one and nodded expectantly.

     “I don’t have a pen,” Lucas said awkwardly

     Yann and Arthur both groaned in annoyance at Basile.

     “Bas, just let him breathe for a minute,” Yann said looking pointedly at Basile. He turned his gaze to Lucas, “I’ll add you to the group chat later, I promise.”

     Which caused a racket from Basile who was wondering how Yann had Lucas’s number and he didn’t. Arthur face-palmed looking flustered.

     When they left Lucas was forced to accept the harsh truth that he was going to a new high school. But it could be worse, he could be sitting alone throughout the whole day. At least now he had a group of friends, and he would recognize some people from his younger school days when he was 10 years old. Maybe even see Eliott again?

     Maybe. Not that he was excited or nervous or anything about seeing him. Not that at all. Not at all.


	2. First Day Back and Tree Kisses

     The first day back to school hadn’t been as bad as he was expecting, the boys helped him settle in. His chemistry teacher kept calling him Luke despite his hopeless efforts to tell him that his name was Lucas. However, then the boys decided to step in and correct the teacher by saying he was actually named Lulu, and now anyone who talked to Lucas referred to him as Lulu or Luke. It annoyed him a lot more than it should’ve, but his day could’ve been worse. At least that’s what he kept telling himself.

     They were sitting at a table in the cafeteria. It was a rainy day which meant the whole cafeteria smelt faintly of wet socks and hoodies. Basile was ranting to him about a girl named Daphne who never seemed to pick up on the fact that he was trying to hit on her, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw a face he never thought he would see again.

     There stood Chloe, a petite brunette. Lucas wasn’t into girls per say but he could tell that she had grown up pretty, and she seemed to be smiling _way_ to brightly at him for his liking. She had _also_ … been his first kiss when they were ten years old.

     He remembered that they had been hanging around at a park with the rest of his classmates and that she had been mad at him for some reason (he couldn’t remember). And then he remembered, His mother _always_ seemed to cheer up when he kissed her if she was mad, so he decided why not try it out on Chloe? He then pulled her behind a tree and kissed her, just a soft peck on her lips, feeling nothing. But he remembered how flushed her face got and then Eliott had called his name to tell him that they were “going back to school now and the picnic was over.” Eliott had wandered over and saw how flushed Chloe’s face was and an indescribable expression passed over his face before he pulled Lucas along with him dragging him away from Chloe and her shocked expression.

     Lucas, admittingly, was kind of happy to be pulled away. If he was being honest, he hadn’t _really_ like the way her lips felt against his own. He had always thought kissing was gross and that kiss had just proved how weird it was. Eliott had been annoyed at him for the rest of the day, which made no sense to him, but the next day they were back to normal as if the incident never happened. That had been the last time Lucas had seen her, because the next week he had to stay home to pack because he was moving to the city with his mother. He never thought he would see her again.

     Yet there she stood now, her smile fading slightly, until Lucas realised she had said something to him.

     “What?”  
  
     She blushed, “I said, Hi. It’s so good to see you again.” she said her smile returning, and then she winked and walked away, her friends trailing behind her.

     Did she really just _wink_ at him? She couldn’t have-

     “DUDE! She is so into you, did you see that wink?” Arthur said whispered, but it was so loud he might as well have been yelling.

      _-Okay yep she definitely winked at him.-_

     “Keep it down.” Lucas said, cheeks heating up. He didn’t know why he was so flustered, because he wasn’t interested in her even though most other guys definitely would’ve been.

     “Lulu, there’s a party this weekend, you _need_ to invite her.” Basile said excitedly. “Maybe I’ll finally get laid this weekend with one of her friends.” He added wiggling his eyebrows

     Which caused a chorus of “gross” and “ew’s” from the boys.

     Lucas looked at the floor. “Guys, I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I just moved back. I have enough on my plate as it is. She’s only interested in me because I was her first kiss-”

     “YOU WERE HER FIRST WHAT?!”

     “Arthur, keep it down for fucks sake. It’s not like I took her virginity, we were ten years old!” Lucas sighed glancing over at Yann who was weirdly quiet. “You okay?” he asked Yann who nodded looking at his feet. “Look guys, I seriously don’t need a girlfriend okay…”

     “Yeah, let him breathe.” Yann finally said. Lucas looked over at him gratefully.

     “What is with you and telling Lulu to breathe, he’s clearly breathing!” Basile sighed exasperatedly.

     “Bas, I love you and all, but sometimes you’re an idiot and need to shut up.” Arthur said rolling his eyes.

     Which caused a confused Basile to mumble an incoherent sentence along the lines of _'you guys make no sense'._

     Thankfully they dropped the subject and instead started a conversation about how Lucas was going to have endure the next two years of being referred to as “Luke” and “Lulu” from here on out. Lucas slowly drifted out of the conversation as it headed towards the party that was happening on the weekend and which girls they wanted to hook up with. His own thoughts wandered to how he had seen Manon and Imane again. They had both hugged him and welcomed him back as if they were long lost friends. Which in a way they were, but it was still an unexpected greeting.

     There was also someone he still hadn’t seen and he couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or not. Eliott Demaury.

     Lucas was certain that he would recognise his face anywhere which is why it came as a surprise to him when he didn’t see his face anywhere in the school. (Lucas was almost certain he attended this high school?) Lucas would never, and could never forget his eyes. Eliott's eyes always communicated his emotions before anything else did. When they were kids, that’s how Lucas would know when to stop talking to him if he was upset, or if it was the right time to give him a hug or not. They were pathways into his soul, which was the most cliche thing ever to exist, but cliches often hold truth. And Eliott's eyes were the most honest things he would ever know.

     “-go to the foyer meeting tomorrow? Lucas what do you think, do you want to join us? We’ve unfortunately been recruited by Daphne to paint the ugly ass mural in the foyer.” Yann said looking at Lucas expectantly, clearly not noticing Lucas’s lack of participation in the conversation.

     Lucas didn’t want to seem like he wasn’t paying attention, “yeah, of course.” so he agreed with no idea what he was getting himself into. What even was the foyer?

     Yann, Arthur and Basile all whooped and hollered excitedly.

     “Yeah? Great! Well now we have another helper. Some of the senior students are going to help us too, so we’ll get it painted in no time.” Yann added.

     Senior students? As in Elliott's year? Lucas couldn’t do anything but nod along but a sense of dread of being in a room with Eliott after not answering his letters or birthday cards and how he would react to Lucas, swept over him. But along with it came a sense of excitement of seeing him again after five years. What if he ignored him though? What if he didn't even recognise him? What if...

     What _did_ he get himself into?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm considering writing the next chapter from Eliott's POV. What do you guys think, would that be interesting? Also sorry this chapter is kind of dull (it's just the build-up) but stuff is going to go down in the next chapter. Be prepared mecs.
> 
> Kudos and Comments always appreciated <3


	3. Bee's and Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE GETTING AN ARTHUR SEASON?! I"M SO HAPPY! Enjoy this chapter!

The Four Musketeers™  
*Yann added you to the chat*

 **B** : Lulu!!! Welcome to the group chat, (for the cool kids only)  
**A** : Bas, do us all a favour and shut up.  
**Y** : I agree…

 **L** : Hi, thanks for welcoming me into the chat?  
Just wondering though, did you have to change the group chat name for me?  
Cause if you did… sorry!  
  
**Y** : pfft! ‘Course not, our old group chat was actually called ‘Basile sucks.’  
Don’t even worry about it.  
**B** : The sad part is that they aren’t even lying :(  
**A** Yeah it was rough… oof  
   Anyways, we’re painting the foyer today remember?

 **L** : Yeah of course

 **A** : Cool, just don’t forget to bring clothes you don’t mind getting wrecked by paint.  
(Basile sucks at painting btw you’ll probably end up with half the bucket on you by the end of the night. Yikes)  
**B** : HEY!  
**A** : anyways… that’s my cue to leave, see you at school Lulu.

 **L** : My name’s just Lucas...

 **A** : Not anymore! Hahahahahhaha  
    okay bye.  
**B** : #SaveLulu&Basile  
*Read by Arthur, Lucas and Yann

                                                                                                              

     Lucas threw his phone into his bag after he checked the time realising that he was going to be late to school if he didn’t hurry up. He ran a hand through his hair even though he knew it was going to be messy regardless of what he did to it, so he left it as it was. He shoved some lunch money into his bag and a black t-shirt and pants for painting the mural. He didn’t necessarily want to get the shirt or pants wrecked from the paint, but he didn’t have any time left to search for something better (or worse you could say), to paint in so he ran out of the apartment. His heard a complaint from his father along the lines of ‘I’m trying to sleep’, and ended up running all the way to the bus stop, panting embarrassingly loud as he got on.

     Truth was, when Arthur asked him if he remembered about painting the foyer, there was no way he could forget. It was the only thing he could think about, because....Eliott. In the past day, he had tried to recall every memory he had of Eliott. Stupid memories, happy memories, sad memories. Like when Eliott and Lucas had gone on a field trip together with the whole school to the zoo, and Lucas got stung by a bee and couldn’t stop crying.

                                                                                                            ***

      _“Lucas! What’s wrong?” Eliott asked had asked him._

_Lucas was curled up on the ground, clutching his arm, and he was trying not to cry because he felt like everyone was watching him, but he couldn’t help it. It hurt. Everyone had gone ahead to the next animals, but Lucas had stayed back to look at the colourful flowers and went to touch one when he felt a sharp pain in his arm. A bee had stung him._

_“Lucas! Are you okay?” Eliott, his best friend had come to his rescue. It was no surprise, Eliott had been following him all day. They had even sat on the bus together, even though Chloe was really annoyed at him for it. Lucas didn’t know why he couldn't be friends with both of them?_

_Lucas nodded weakly, but his arm hurt so much._

_Eliott sighed. “I think you got the better part of the deal, did you know bee’s die when they sting you? That bee was probably trying to protect the… wait what did you do to get stung?”_

_Lucas blushed, feeling remorse for the bee, but did it really have to sting him? “I was looking at the pretty flowers. They’re my favourite colour.” He replied, ironically enough they reminded Lucas of Elliott's eyes._

_“Of course you were…” Eliott said exasperatedly however he didn’t stay mad long. “I’m glad you aren’t allergic, You might’ve died.”_

_“I COULD’VE DIED?!” Lucas covered his face with his hands. He was too young to die, he was only 7 years old._

_Eliott laughed, which caused Lucas to glare at him. Eliott back-tracked. “Of course not! I’ll always be here to protect you from harm!”_

_“You let a bee sting me!” Lucas pouted, the sting really did hurt._

_“That’s not the point!” Eliott argued sighing. “Come on, let's go find a teacher and get you cleaned up. My mom told me to always clean yourself if you get hurt to stop infections.” He giggled softly, “See! Okay, so even if you do get hurt I will always be here to prevent further injuries.”_

_Lucas sighed. He didn’t see how he was going to win this fight. He let Eliott help him up and they went to a teacher who told them to go to the ice cream shop to get ice. While they were there, Eliott bought him an ice cream which made Lucas smile. The swelling started to go down once the ice was on it, thank goodness. Eliott then began telling Lucas all about how bees pollinate plants and are very important to the environment._

_"Well, at least the sting doesn't hurt as bad," Lucas said interrupting Eliott._

_Eliott didn't look too troubled to be interrupted, “I will always protect you.” Eliott whispered, looking at Lucas proudly._

_Lucas's face got hot and he was almost certain he was blushing._

                                                                                                             ***

     There were other memories, like Eliott interrupting his piano lessons and creating his own songs that always made Lucas laugh. Or when Lucas and Eliott were riding their bikes through the park (they’re mother’s were friends), and Eliott wasn’t paying attention and crashed into a rosebush. Or when it was Eliott's 9th birthday and Lucas’s mom told him to put the ice cream cake in the freezer for when the Demaury’s came over for dinner so that they could surprise Eliott. But Lucas couldn’t find a spot to put it in the freezer so he left it on top of the freezer instead. And when his mom went downstairs she found a puddle of ice cream cake all over the freezer. Let’s just say Lucas’s mom was not impressed.

     But Lucas knew all that was in the past, he hadn’t even replied to any of Eliott's letters. He never sent any birthday cards despite the annual cards from Eliott. Fuck, he probably thought Lucas was a horrible person to just let that friendship die off. It was just… Lucas had a lot to deal with, with his parent's divorce, and fitting into his new school. Attempting to make new friends. It was hard, how was he supposed to find time to write a letter? He did try a few times, but they all felt false. He was never a good writer like Eliott, besides it was probably best to leave Eliott out of his messy life.

     But today, he was going to have to see Eliott (most likely) at the foyer meeting. Lucas didn’t know what to feel. He was excited in a way, he wanted to see him again but the sense of dread overruled any feelings of excitement. How was he going to survive today? If only his mother knew what she had dragged him into when she told him that he was going to have to live with his Dad. Now he had to face Eliott.

     The day dragged on, and finally, the second school day ended after many looks at the 'new boy' and some weird encounters with people still referring to him as either 'Luke' or 'Lulu'. Lucas met up with the boy squad, (whom all cheered when he arrived) they were already dressed in their painting clothes and had stripes of paint on their cheeks where they forced Lucas to do the same. He looked ridiculous but it wasn’t as bad as he was expecting.

     “I have to go change, I’ll be right back,” Lucas said motioning towards the bathroom. He left his jacket on the floor and rushed to the bathroom. He pulled his shirt over his head and shrugged on the black t-shirt and pants. He looked like a warrior in all black and paint stripes on his face. Oh well…

     When he got back those boys had started painting the mural. It didn’t look like it was going to well, and Arthur hadn’t been lying when he said that Basile sucked at painting, he had half the paint on the plastic-covered floor.

     Yann sighed and said, “Maybe we should wait for the senior students. They’re hopefully more knowledgeable about painting than we are.”

     And it was almost like Yann’s words had summoned them, because the next thing he knew there were a series of boys who walked in ready to paint. The boy at the front of the group (he introduced himself as Idriss), introduced the rest of the group. There was a boy named Sofiane and some others. They said one of their friends was still on his way and that he was always late.

     And though Lucas had been expecting it the whole day, when a fluffy-haired boy with the most beautiful eyes walked in through the door, his breath caught in his throat. Memories of Eliott calling for Lucas's attention. The older boy observed the group and when his eyes landed on Lucas, his eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Lucas felt himself blushing and smiled sheepishly at him.

     There, after five years stood Eliott Demaury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's exam season and I've been neglecting studying to write this fic instead. My grades are gonna show it if I don't study more, so expect less chapters in the next two weeks. Yikes! It was kind of a bad idea to write a fic during exams oops. Did you guys like this chapter? Because if you did, you'll definitely LOVE the next one, it's gonna be full of minor angst and fluff. YEE YEE!


	4. Somebody To Love (Eliott's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you've all been waiting for. Hope it met your expectations. I have so much planned. I feel like I'm not doing Eliott's character justice but nevertheless I hope you enjoy. Here's Eliott's POV.

Elliott's POV

     Walking into the foyer to paint the ugly mural, and seeing his Lucas smiling sheepishly at him, was a shock. The lil’ one stood there awkwardly, staring at Eliott with two stripes of paint across his cheeks, so unknowingly endearing it hurt. Truthfully, Eliott had no idea Lucas was going to be there at all. Did that mean that Lucas goes to his school now? Was Eliott going to be able to see him every day? A small glimmer of hope burst through him of renewing their relationship, that was… until Lucas looked away focusing on something else. A guy, who he believed was named Yann was saying something to the Lucas.

     Eliott regretfully tore his eyes away from Lucas and walked over to Sofiane who was looking at him suspiciously. Eliott gave his friend a look that communicated ‘I’ll tell you later’. Sofiane shrugged and kept looking between the two of them curiously.

     “That’s the new kid, you know… Luke or is it Lulu? The one I was telling you about yesterday? Apparently, he went to Elementary school here a long time ago. You know him?” Sofiane said, unsaid questions laced into his words.

     “You could say that,” Eliott replied.

      _Fuck_ , how was he so stupid? How had he _not_ known Lucas was here. Sofiane even told him the day prior. Also, why didn’t Lucas want to be called Lucas anymore? His name was so beautiful. He was so beautiful, Eliott felt his gaze impulsively wandering over to Lucas and felt his throat catch when he saw Lucas staring right back at him. Eliott took him in, drinking his presence in like it was the air he needed to survive. His hair was floppy and soft as ever, his skin clear and sharp. His eyes had a piercing softness, Eliott didn’t want him to ever look away from. Not again. Lucas had grown up with strong arms and a lean figure accentuated by the black outfit he was wearing. And those stupid stripes of paint on his face that Eliott immediately decided he loved. How was he supposed to paint the mural now when Lucas was right there? Eliott bit his lip. 

     “Demaury, we need your help over here!” Idriss called tearing Eliott out of his thoughts.

     “Coming,” Eliott replied throwing one last glance at Lucas before he walked over to Idriss, who was struggling to open another can of paint.

     Lucas was no longer looking at him, but he was laughing at something that Yann-guy had said, and his eyes glittered in amusement. Eliott had no idea how it was possible for someone to look so precious.

     “Eliott! Stop staring at him, it's creepy.” Idriss murmured to him.

     “I’m not- I’m not staring.”

     Idriss raised an eyebrow at him. But it didn’t bother Eliott too much, Idriss was probably the only other person besides himself who knew how much he missed Lucas and how Lucas leaving him a month before he was diagnosed with his mental illness had affected him. Now that Lucas was right there, Eliott‘s staring was to be expecting.

     However, he tried his best to focus on the task at hand, and hope Lucas wouldn’t leave the foyer right away before he got to say something to him. That itself was a problem Eliott had yet to figure out. What was he going to say to Lucas? He wanted to say so much but didn’t want to overwhelming. He wanted to be angry for Lucas not contacting him at all, and then showing up out of nowhere. He wanted to tell Lucas he was happy he was back and that he missed him. _He missed him so much_. Eliott also knew that he would probably turn into a huge mess as soon if Lucas so much as looked at him.

     About an hour passed in which Eliott avoided all contact with Lucas, unable to find the right words to say. How was he supposed to act around his ex-best friend who he also cared immensely for, but the other did not feel the same way. If Lucas had, he would’ve at least sent him a birthday card or returned Elliott's phone calls. But he didn’t, and that was what was holding Eliott back. The other 3 boys Lucas was with were chaotic and wild. Eliott recognized one of them as the boy who was in love with Daphne and the other blonde guy he saw around the school sometimes. Yann, he remembered but why had Lucas stayed in contact with Yann and not him?

     They had painted the majority of the mural, and if Eliott was being honest, it looked way better with the first layer of white paint then it did beforehand. Sofiane had left half-way through the painting because Imane (Idriss’s sister) had called him. Idriss rolled his eyes when Sofiane left, and Eliott grinned in amusement because as much as Idriss complained about Sofiane dating his sister, Eliott knew that no one could be better than Sofiane for Imane. When the first layer was completely finished, they decided as a group to let it dry before they painted another layer, then they would decide what they would go from there.

     Everyone started packing up their things once the decision was made, and Eliott started panicking. Was he just going to ignore Lucas or was he going to talk to him? They both seemed like daunting tasks that Eliott wasn’t prepared for. Where was Lucas anyway? Before he could make his decision, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to find Lucas looking at him nervously.

     “Hey,” Lucas said softly, his voice deeper than Eliott was expecting.

     “Hi.”

     Lucas blushed, and _oh god_. Eliott forgot how much he loved when Lucas blushed. It was his favourite pastime as a kid, to find new ways to make Lucas blush or laugh. “Um, how did you enjoy painting the mural?” he said avoiding eye contact with Eliott.

     Eliott shrugged.

     Lucas looked at a loss for words and kept glancing towards his friends who were leaving. Eliott hoped Lucas wasn’t going to leave and to keep him from leaving Eliott blurted out, “Why did you ignore my letters and phone calls?”

     Lucas looked at his feet embarrassed. _fuck, fuck, fuck, too soon. Good one Eliott. Way to make him feel bad._ Then Lucas looked up confused.

     “You called me?”

     Eliott rolled his eyes finally letting his annoyance show through. Yes, he had called, every few months to check how Lucas was doing, or to even just _hear_ his voice again. Every time he did though, it either hit the voicemail (and Eliott hated leaving voicemails) or he called when Lucas was sleeping and his mother picked up telling him she would tell him he called. But he never called back.

     “Yes, I told your mom to tell you I called. Didn’t she tell you?” Eliott said running a hand through his hair.

     “Wait, that was you?!” Lucas covered his face with his hands and blushed an even deeper shade of red. “My mom told me that ‘the Demaury’s called’ and I thought that was your mom calling to check in with me or something-”

     “Why would my mom do that?! Fuck Lucas that was me, I wanted to talk to you, and every time I called you, you-you never answered me or called me back! Then you always ignored my letters, which I get to a certain extent, you were only 10 but… you didn’t even thank me for the birthday cards. ” Eliott turned away from Lucas, he was so annoyed. “And then, I walk in here and there you are after 5 years and you didn’t even tell me, which is the least you could’ve done.”

     “Eliott…”

     “What?!” Eliott looked back at Lucas, everyone had left the foyer and they were left alone, the wet paint smell filling his nostrils.

     “I- I didn’t know you called me, honest. I would’ve wanted to talk to you. I missed you, and I was 10 so I was jealous of how you had new friends and I never could express what I was feeling in letters. I- I didn’t know. I thought it would be better to leave you out of my life, it’s too messy and I-”

     “Really Lucas?” Eliott interrupted. “I didn’t want you out of my life, okay? I never want you to leave. And besides... you're the only one that's ever mattered.”

     Lucas down at the ground overwhelmed. But Eliott didn't care. He had meant every word.

     Finally Lucas looked into Eliott's eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I thought you would’ve heard by now that I was going to school here. I just didn’t know how to tell you. My mom has to go to a new mental hospital and so now I have to stay with my Dad. I’m sorry.”

     “Fuck, _I’m_ sorry,” Eliott said, and he was because he knew how elated Lucas had been when he left him, to start a new life somewhere else. Without him.

     “It's not your fault,” Lucas said, looking smaller than ever and Eliott wanted to embrace him so bad, but he didn’t want to be rejected. He sighed, “Look, I should probably go home now, but it was good seeing you and I miss you still, I just don't know what to say...”

     The smaller one turned to walk away when Eliott thought, _fuck it_ and launched himself at Lucas, drawing him into a hug, his heart fluttering as it always did when they were younger and Eliott breathed him in. He smelt the same, and it was eerily comforting. So familiar even though Lucas felt different, his muscles contracting with shock, before hugging Eliott back. He wrapped his arms around Eliott‘s waist, pulling him close and shivering slightly.

     He pulled away much too quickly for Eliott‘s liking, blushing furiously now.

     “Come to my house tomorrow, my mom would love to see you again,” Eliott said hardly thinking, mind still buzzing from Lucas’s touch.

     “I don’t know…”

     “Lucas, you’re always welcome at my house, you know. Please.”

     Lucas looked up at him again, expression softening in response to Eliott's. “ I know, it’s just-”

     “Please…” Eliott repeated desperately.

     “Okay,” Lucas said finally after a short silence.

     Eliott was over the moon now, but he tried to keep his cool although he was pretty sure he failed tremendously due to Lucas’s grin directed at him. He typed his cell number into Lucas’s phone and told him to text him the next morning, Lucas quietly agreed, seemingly embarrassed.

     “Goodnight Lucas,” Eliott said 

     “Goodnight Eliott.”

     And when Eliott walked off the school campus back to his house, he couldn’t believe what just happened. He knew his mother would want Lucas over as soon as possible, but that wasn’t the only reason he felt the need to invite Lucas over. He just wanted to be with Lucas, like the old times, even just for a few hours. What a day it had been for him, he never could’ve imagined he would see Lucas. It was so familiar and different. The memory of the hug and Lucas holding onto him made Eliott blush. And Lucas had missed him. He had missed him. And now he was living with his father. There was so much more he needed to know.   
     

     And when Eliott finally got home and was drifting off into sleep, his thoughts were filled with memories of a certain blue-eyed boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was jamming to Justin Bieber hence the title of this chapter. Yikes! How do you guys think "tomorrow" will go? Eliott's so smooth (but also not) like ???  
> Tell me your thoughts on this chapter and what you might like in the next one. Who knows maybe it will get incorporated ;)


	5. I missed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow 2407 words?

     Lucas was such a mess. How is it that he always gets himself into these situations? One brief conversation with Eliott Demaury and now he was a blushing disaster, complete with an obligation to go to the Demaury’s for dinner. Heck, Lucas knew as soon as Eliott suggested it that it was a bad, _bad_ idea. However, it appeared Lucas was too soft for his own good, because as soon as Eliott said “please” desperately, well… who had the power to resist that? Lucas sure as hell didn’t.

 

     His third day of school went fairly well, nothing out of the ordinary happened besides someone catching food poisoning from the cafeteria and said person throwing up in class. Arthur had been right beside the person who threw up and had told them (more like complained) all about it. Aside from that unfortunate situation, Lucas had finally met the famous (or infamous) Daphne, who told him all there was to know about the foyer and it’s meetings. However, there was an incident where he saw Chloe and kind-of, sort-of ran away as fast as possible, but that didn’t matter.

 

     Unfortunately with the (mostly) uneventful day, it gave him _a lot_ of time to think about Eliott. Lucas was glad he hadn’t seemed to upset about randomly showing up at his school, Lucas knew that was kind-of a dick move. Then Eliott had hugged him, and… Lucas had felt so safe. Eliott smelled the same and felt so familiar that it scared him, so he pushed him away, because he shouldn’t feel that safe and familiar. He was different. They were different now. Not kids anymore. Eliott was tall and handsome. Lucas wasn’t surprised about his looks to be honest, but Eliott's piercing gaze had grown even more intense over the years.

 

     They were only friends.

 

     But Lucas knew his other friends didn’t make him feel like Eliott made him feel .... they didn’t make him blush like that. It was so embarrassing because Lucas had no control over his blushing but he could always feel his cheeks heating up, and Eliott had looked at him as if he was proud of his ability to embarrass him. It was infuriating, he always had the power to make him blush when they were younger but it was _different_ now. Lucas didn’t know how to explain it.

 

     Lucas was snapped out of his daze because his phone buzzed. He was spending his free period in the library ‘studying’. It caused him to blush again as if he was getting caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He wasn’t, he was only thinking about his friend. Wait what were they? They definitely weren’t best friends anymore, but Lucas wasn’t even sure if they were friends anymore. They were more than acquaintances though. Lucas brushed the thought away, it was irrelevant. He took his phone out of his pocket.

 

**Unknown Number**

 

 **Unknown Number:** _You never texted me this morning so I had to take matters into my own hands and get your number from Yann._

  


**L:** _Who’s this?_

 

 **_Unknown Number:_ ** _:(_

 

 **L:**     _Okay stalker what do you want? ;)_

 

 **Unknown Number:** ~~You~~

_I’m not a stalker Lucas!_

 

 **L:** _Oh no! He even knows my name. Should I inform the police? ;)_

 

 **Unknown Number:** _Shut up! It’s Eliott._

_My mom was wondering what you wanted to have for_

_supper tonight?_

 

 **L:** _Oh, well anything as long you didn’t cook it!_

 

 **Unknown Number:** _Ouch._

_When do you want to come over to my house?_

 

 **L:** _Doesn’t matter to me._

 

 **Unknown Number:** _I could drive you to my place if you want?_

_Although driving with a stalker is probably not the_

_best idea ;)_

 

 **L:** _Well as long as you’re admitting you’re a stalker haha. But no, Yann told me he would drive me. I’ll come over right after school I suppose._

 

 **Unknown Number:** ~~_I’m so excit_ ~~

_Okay see you later Lulu._

 

***

 

     After the school day was over, Yann drove him to Eliott's. It was honestly one of the most nerve-wracking trips Lucas had ever taken because Yann just got his license and was really bad at driving. It surprised Lucas that Yann was even able to pass his driver’s test. They almost crashed three times, and when they finally arrived at Elliott's, Lucas was unreasonably nervous. He decided to blame it on Yann’s driving.

 

    "Lucas you look like you’re about to be sick… are you okay bud?” Yann asked him, concern in his eyes. “My driving isn't that bad is it?”

 

     Lucas laughed. “Yann, you’re driving is horrendous.”

 

     Yep he was definitely going to blame his nerves on Yann’s driving. Truth was, he had no idea how tonight was going to go and he was nervous to see Eliott again. Lucas felt confident over text messages but now he was going to have to function around Eliott, and hope he didn’t blush too much. He had a feeling god was not on his side today.

 

     Yann sighed. “I’ll work on driving better, but I’ve got to get home soon, you sure you going to be okay?”

 

     “I’ll be okay. Thanks for driving me.” Lucas said getting out of the car.

 

     Yann gave him a lame salute and drove away leaving Lucas alone standing in front of the Demaury door. He was just about to knock on the door when the door swung open revealing Mrs. Demaury stood there, apparently waiting for him.

 

     “Lucas! Hi, it’s so good to see you.” She said happily. Mrs. Demaury was beautiful for a woman her age, she looked vibrant as ever and smelled of vanilla.  

 

     Lucas smiled shyly, nodding in agreement. It really was good to see her again, but he couldn’t help but wish his own mother was there.

 

     “Come in. Eliott's upstairs right now, I don’t think he was expecting you to arrive so soon. He said you were getting driven by a friend and that he figured you would take your time or something? You’ll have to ask him. You can just go right up, I’m sure he won’t mind. Supper will be ready in about two hours?” Mrs. Demaury smiled and motioned towards the stairs. “He’s still in the same room as he’s always been in.”

 

     “Thank you.” Lucas said looking at the floor awkwardly.

 

      “I’ve been meaning to say.” Mrs. Demaury said lowering her voice, “I’m sorry about your mother, she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. If you ever need anything you know we’re always here for you.”

 

     Lucas almost felt a lump in his throat. “Yeah of course, thank you.” He managed to croak out.

 

     She winked at him and wandered off to the kitchen leaving him to find his way to Eliott's bedroom. Lucas finally looked around. Everything looked almost the same as it did before but there were new books in the bookshelves and new photos scattered on the walls. In a red frame there was a picture of Lucas and Eliott when they were younger, purple finger paint covering their hands, smiling at the camera. Or more accurately, Lucas smiling at the camera and Eliott smiling at him. It made Lucas’s heart ache, he really did miss it here.

 

     The lil’ one took his time up the stairs looking around, taking in the photos of Eliott growing up, and little pieces of the family scattered around the house. A battered bathroom reader outside of the bathroom here, and folded laundry in a basket on the bed in the guestroom bedroom there. Lucas used to imagine living in the guestroom instead of at home, when Lucas’s parents were fighting. Oh how things change.

 

     When he reached Elliott's room he took a deep breath and stepped in but just as soon as he stepped in a rodent-shaped pillow was coming at full speed towards him and he managed to duck just in time for it to go straight over his head. A girlish scream echoed throughout the room, that Lucas was ashamed to call his own.

 

     “AH! What- what the hell, you can’t just barge in here like that. Locks exist for a reas-”

 

     “It’s me, it’s Lucas!” Lucas cried, hoping another animal shaped pillow wasn’t about to be thrown at him again. During his shock, Lucas had covered his face with hands and managed to get enough courage to peep through his fingers to see Eliott looking at him in astonishment and then embarrassment.

 

     “Oh…” Eliott coughed, staring sheepishly.

     

     “Do you always attack your guests with stuffed teddy bears? Geez.”

 

     “Well… sometimes.” Eliott replied with a glint in his eyes.

 

     Lucas shook his head, letting out a laugh. “Also, did you seriously just throw a… what even is this… rodent pillow at me?”

 

     Eliott looked offended, “It’s a raccoon thank you very much, my spirit animal.”

 

     “You’re what now?”

 

     Eliott shrugged. “I’ll tell you later, and by the way… if you got hit by my raccoon it's your fault! I was practicing my aim.”

 

     “No kiddin’ you missed by a mile.”

 

    "Get out of my room! First you insult my spirit animal, now my aim…”

 

     Lucas put his hands up in surrender. “I just got here idiot, but fine I’d rather hang out with your mom anyway.” he said playfully.

 

     When Lucas finally looked up at Eliott he saw Eliott laughing at what he said, and wow he did _that_. When Eliott laughed, the intimidating exterior he seemed to have faded away until there was nothing but happiness filling the room. Lucas almost couldn’t believe he had spent 5 years without it in his life. And then Eliott caught his eye, and his intimidating exterior was back his eyes completely intense looking at Lucas which caused Lucas to look away, and yep… blush. He swayed awkwardly on the spot until Eliott motioned for him to come over and sit on his bed. The bed kind-of felt intimate but where else were they going to hang out?It honestly scared Lucas how easily he got along with Eliott, because for a moment it felt like he hadn’t left for 5 years.

 

     “I’m sorry about throwing my pillow at you, please forgive me.” Eliott said teasingly, and Lucas just nodded. Eliott ran a hand through his hair, “I honestly wasn’t expecting you to arrive so soon, my room is a mess.” he added apologetically, looking almost insecure for a second.

 

     “Don’t worry about it.” Lucas replied.

 

     Lucas looked around, drawings scattered all around the room, shrugging off his ‘romance’ hoodie. Lucas remembered Eliott being an aspiring artist back when they were younger it made his heart warm knowing Eliott still enjoyed creating art. Dozens of drawings included happy raccoons and sad raccoons hiding behind dark scribbles with other animals. Sometimes a cat, and on the rare occasion he saw a hedgehog. He wondered who they all represented. They lapsed into an awkward silence, where they stared at each other. Lucas tried looking away a few times but his eyes kept wandering back to Eliott who stared right back at him, his eyes trying to tell him something but Lucas didn’t know what. Whenever Eliott caught him looking again, Lucas would blush, and fuck, Lucas hated it.

 

     “Did you always blush so much when we were younger?” Eliott asked his voice genuinely curious.

 

     Lucas rolled his eyes, blushing even harder. “Stop it!”

 

     “Stop what?”

 

     “You know what.”

 

     Eliott laughed, and honestly Lucas was sure he would do anything to be the reason Eliott was laughing again. Hopefully not laughing _at_ him but he would take what he could get.

 

     “Actually I don’t ‘know what’. Please elaborate.”

 

     “Stop, “ Lucas made a vague motion with his hands towards Eliott, “ _that_.”

 

     Eliott laughed again. “You might need to be more specific.”

 

     Lucas sighed, and after another silence, Eliott started questioning everything about Lucas. _What was he up to? Did he still play piano? What type of music does he listen to now? Does he still love the clash? What shows do you watch? What was school like in the city? What was his favourite book to read over and over again?_

 

     It made him feel overwhelmed in a way, because Eliott seemed to really care about anything he said. He could’ve said the Moana soundtrack was his favourite thing to listen to and Eliott would have respected it and cared. Eliott listened to every answer and added things of his own to the conversation.

 

     Eliott liked dub-step now (Lucas was not impressed) , he had moved on from electronic pop, he liked to draw things that mattered to him but he was still working on expressing himself, he was watching a series called ‘The Society’ on Netflix (apparently Grizz is cool and he should watch it too), he was forced to read ‘The Goldfinch’ with his mother a few months ago and that was the last book he read since, (he said it was surprisingly good) and that he didn’t know Lucas was going to their school because his friend told him about a guy named “Lulu and Luke” not Lucas which made Lucas laugh at the stupidity of the situation.

 

      When the next silence came it wasn’t as awkward or tense anymore, and they just enjoyed each other's presence. It was nice to just lay on Eliott's bed and be with him. He was pretty sure he was about to fall asleep when Eliott interrupted him.

 

     “Lucas.” Eliott said softly, the sun was starting to go down now and the golden light was shining on Eliott making him look unfairly pretty.

 

     “Yeah?”

 

     “I really missed you.”

 

     Lucas didn’t really know what to say. Eliott clearly could tell, and backtracked.

 

     “Um, you don’t have to say it back or anything, I just mean- I just wanted you to um, know that’s all-” Eliott said stumbling over his words being weirdly endearing.

 

     “I missed you too. It’s good to have my _friend_ back.” Lucas said smiling at Eliott's playfully.

 

     Eliott looked sad for a second, but it was so brief Lucas thought he had imagined it. That’s what they were right? Friends? Then Eliott smiled at him, it felt like he was looking at the sun, and Lucas felt like Eliott was going to touch him or something when Eliott's phone rang, interrupting their little bubble. Lucas pulled away first when he realized how close they had gotten. Eliott sighed looking almost annoyed and got up to get his phone out of his sweater.

 

     It was Eliott’s mom. Supper was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Eliott got friendzoned oooOOOO!  
> Don't worry it only goes up from here.  
> Wish me luck on my science final, I'm probably gonna fail but giving y'all Elu content is more important. #priorities  
> ALSO Veron104_alterlove HI BIG FAN OF YOUR WRITING SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE READING MY FANFIC!!!


	6. Scared To Love (Eliott's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what to write here, but I just wanted to pop in and say Eliott Demaury owns my heart. That's all. OH! And happy birthday isak! ily. <3

Eliott POV

     Eliott was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 12 years old. Eliott didn’t remember every detail of all of his manic episodes, but there was no way he would forget any of them. He remembered certain details of each of them, like feeling like he was on the top of the world and that nothing could stop him. Then there were other times where he didn’t even understand why he was living when he’s everyone was only going to die in the end. He feared sleep because it was the closest thing to death, and even though he didn’t want to live he certainly didn’t want to die.

     There was one episode he remembered more vividly than the others. He was 15 years old and he couldn’t stop crying, and he didn’t understand why. He was just so tired. He had never felt so alone in his life, and his parents kept cooking him food but he just didn’t want to eat it. Why didn’t they get that? He remembered wanted them to go away, but felt worse when they left a sinking feeling of hopelessness and self-loathing coursing through his veins. He once cut his wrists, and when his parents saw what he had done to himself his mother had started crying. Eliott wasn’t an idiot. He heard them whispering about him late at night.

     But then the next week he was okay, back to normal almost. Almost. But he had felt shame at the things he had done to himself. So ashamed that he had made his parent’s feel like shit that he couldn’t even look them into their eyes. So instead of talking about it, he had succumbed to his room taking refugee in drawing. He discovered himself better than anyone in those 2 weeks that he spent alone in his room. He drew himself (as a racoon naturally) in the situations he found himself in. Then when he couldn’t draw anymore he would write.

     He wrote about everything he felt. It was so much easier to do that it was to talk. He wrote about his fears (he had a lot of them), and about everything he was passionate about. He wrote about how if he ever found his soulmate they would see how disgusting his mind was, and would leave him. So he wrote about how whenever he got too close to someone he would push them away. It just made more sense that way. And he would write letters. Letters addressed to Lucas.

      Lucas. The boy he had fallen in love the moment that he met him so many years ago. Lucas never knew, but Eliott wished he had told him he loved him. Not that it mattered anymore. Lucas didn’t want anything to do with him, he never answered his letters. He completely ignored Elliott's phone calls, the ones he would do late at night desperately wanting to feel that connection he had felt with the boy so many years ago. Except every single fucking time he was rejected. And even though Lucas clearly didn’t want to stay in contact with him, Eliott trusted him. He trusted him so much, and he missed him so much, always waiting for the annual Christmas card from the Mrs. Lallemant that featured an updated photo of Lucas growing up.

      And Eliott was probably biased, but he was the most beautiful person Eliott ever saw. Everytime he saw the Christmas card his heart would jump to his throat. Elliott's mom always saw right through him though, and whenever Christmas was over Eliott would find the Christmas card in his room.

     After his 16th birthday he met Idriss and finally told someone besides his parents about his mental illness. There was one time they were hanging out at Eliott's and Eliott snapped. He told Idriss everything about himself, and for the first time since Lucas he felt heard. That night Eliott told Idriss about his highs and his lows. He told him about his mental illness and how it affected him, and his pansexuality. He told him about his art and his passion for writing. Lastly he told him about Lucas.

     “So you’re a hopeless romantic then?” Idriss said smiling as if Eliott's life was completely normal, hardly putting thought into his confessions.

     Eliott just smiled. He had been so relieved someone finally knew him now. Idriss was the reason he was still here, whenever he got into a depressive state he would try to think of Idriss to remember that someone truly cared. And then, Idriss included him in his friend group. There were a few boys and one of them included Sofiane. It was good, and they became close. Eliott finally found his people. They didn’t see him as a burden, they didn’t see him as ‘pansexual’, they just saw Eliott.

     And then he was in his final year of highschool, and the boys had asked him if he could help them paint the foyer. Eliott had obliged because what else did he have better to do? And he had walked in and seen Lucas, and it had gone so well. Actually, Eliott could barely function around Lucas, but they had talked and Eliott had practically begged for him to come have dinner with him. And when Lucas came over, making Eliott so nervous he had thrown his racoon-shaped pillow at him embarrassing himself in the process. But it was alright because Lucas had laughed, and Lucas was with him. There were a few tension filled moments that Eliott had stared at Lucas for a few seconds too long, and Lucas had stared right back. But after that, it felt like Lucas was there his whole life and he didn’t want Lucas to leave. They were called down to dinner after Eliott had gotten incredibly close to Lucas, and had he been given five more seconds he probably would’ve kissed him.

     But... Lucas had friendzoned him.

     It was dumb, Eliott knew Lucas was too good for him and that he probably wasn’t even interested in him. But the little glances Lucas sneaked at him when he thought Eliott wasn’t looking, or even the way he looked at Eliott when he was looking at him made him think… maybe. Or when the lil’ one blushed when Eliott caught him looking at him. Maybe they were more than… friends.

     Because Eliott wanted to be more than friends now. He wanted to be with Lucas in every way. He wanted him physically, yes, he wanted to kiss and touch him. He wanted to push his body up against Lucas and make him moan. He wanted to make him feel good and hear the sounds he would make, _needed_ it. But he also wanted him in more domestic ways. He wanted to hold his hand and tell him again that he was glad that Lucas was back in his life. To go grocery shopping, and watch movies together. Or laugh at stupid videos together and share jokes. He wanted to know everything about Lucas, but he was getting there if only Lucas would let him in and let him stay. Because something about Lucas made Eliott feel like he could trust him with his bipolar disorder, but he didn’t want to risk anything when nothing was even there yet. Eliott just needed time to tell him…

      When he had asked Lucas questions, he had asked things like what he was up to? But he wanted to know more, he wanted to know if he believed in soulmates, or what if he has ever been heartbroken. His favourite word? What was Lucas thinking? Favourite smell? Literally anything. Was he dating anyone?

     Actually, Eliott didn’t want to know that. Because if Lucas was dating someone, he wanted to tell that person that they were the luckiest person in the world, and Eliott would give anything for what they have. But if he wasn’t dating someone, that would mean…. What?

     After supper Lucas had left to go back home. Eliott had to stop himself from offering to walk him home, or drive him home himself. But Yann had picked up Lucas waving cheerfully from the driver's seat. And when Lucas walked away, Eliott felt an anxious feeling in his stomach telling him not to let Lucas go, Don’t lose him this time…

     And when he went back to school the next day he tried to find Lucas at school but never ran into him. Or the next day, or the next day. And there were no text messages from him either.

    It was Friday, Eliott was starting to feel helpless, constantly wondering what Lucas was doing. It almost felt obsessive, Eliott wished he could stop but he couldn’t. There was a party tonight. Maybe Lucas would be there with his friends. Eliott didn’t want to go really, but if Lucas was going then he was going.

     “Hey Eliott, ready to go?” Idriss called out to him.

     They were getting ready for the party at Sofiane’s, just the three of them. Eliott was stressing about what he was going to wear, because he wanted to impress Lucas or make him stare. It must’ve shown because Idriss said;

     “Aww look who's nervous.”

     Sofiane decided now was the best time to pop into the conversation causing Eliott to roll his eyes.

    “Nervous? About what?” Sofiane said wiggling his eyebrows. Honestly, Elliott's friends were kinda idiots sometimes.

     “Lulu, he’s nervous about Lulu.” Idriss said laughing.

     “I’m not nervous about _Lucas_.” Eliott said unconvincingly,

     "I knew you guys had some sort of history, you looked at him like he hung the moon yikes" Sofiane said thoughtfully.

     “Somebody’s in love!” Idriss cried childishly.

     “Shut up,” Eliott said trying to figure out what to wear. _Well fuck it, he would just wear a black outfit and his biege jacket._

     “You don’t even deny it, wow.”

      And nope. Eliott didn’t deny it but it was scary. The truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eliott backstory? So what's the party gonna be like? Why hasn't Lucas texted Eliott yet??? So many questions! OOO! Look a lil' angst here and there.


	7. If all it is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's protect Lucas Lallament hours, and partytime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW UPDATE? Wow who would've thought? Been a while since I last updated, like a whole month yikes. I feel very unmotivated but thank you to the people who are still sticking around I appreciate you. If you want me to write more please comment.

When Lucas got home after supper with the Demaurys, his Dad was drunk. Lucas was used to this when he was younger but he was _NOT_ ready for the way his Dad glared at him and yelled at Lucas for not telling him he wasn’t going to be home. Lucas’s dad told him that he had even ordered Chinese food and left some in the fridge and that ‘ _this is the last time I do anything for you._ ’ Lucas was okay, until his Dad slammed his hands on the table when Lucas glared back. It _scared_ Lucas, and made Lucas’s eyes prickle with unshed tears.

 _Coward. You fucking coward_. Lucas thought to himself

Lucas didn’t know what to do, so he rushed to his bedroom trying not to slam the door his heart racing in his chest, doing everything he could not to cry. Why was he sweating? Lucas slid to the floor, his whole body shaking, blood pounding in his ears. How did he ever end up into this situation without his mother. His mother would know what to do, only she wasn’t here. Minute by minute. Lucas tried to take deep breaths, but he was still shaking. He didn’t know how long his ‘moment’ was, it could’ve been hours it could’ve been minutes.

He was so lost and didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t close enough with anyone here. Eliott's mother had told him he could go to them if he needed them, but he _couldn’t_. He wasn’t fucking weak, he was just a coward. That’s all. He let out what could only be described as a whimper, and he felt so fucking exhausted that he fell asleep on the floor. How did he ever end up here with his Dad who he wanted so badly to leave?

The next day he didn’t go to school. Or the next day, or the next day. After his panic attack, his insomnia started up again and when he looked in the mirror he looked like shit. The boys were texting him and blowing up his phone with questions on where he was, and party plans. It was Friday today and apparently there was that party for the foyer club. Lucas still didn’t know what exactly was happening. Lucas and his father were avoiding each other after the incident. Well, more accurately, Lucas was avoiding his Dad. His Dad had tried to apologize saying “he was only drunk” but it was bullshit. The only good thing was Lucas’s Dad didn’t seem to mind him skipping school, and when the school phoned home his Dad would say Lucas was sick even though that was also bullshit. Lucas was grateful for that at least.

A new notification on his phone dinged, and Lucas couldn’t ignore the world forever, so he looked.

 **Y** : _Lulu._  
 _What’s wrong, stop ignoring our messages_  
 _Actually fuck, ignore them all you want sorry, I just meant let us know if you’re okay. You can talk to me._

_**L** : I’m okay, sorry Yann for not replying._   
_I caught a horrible sickness, puking_   
_my guts all weekend. :(_

**Y** : _Yikes! Hope you’re okay now._

_**L** : Yep I’m feeling better. Sorry if I worried you!_

**Y** : _Okay great. There’s a party tonight. I’m driving over right now to pick you up._

Lucas groaned in annoyance. He thought he was going to be able to avoid the party, but he felt shitty enough lying to Yann who seemed to genuinely care about him. Still, he wasn’t really feeling up to a party right now. He wasn’t feeling better at all, he had probably slept for 6 hours within the whole 3 days he had been away from school.

 **L** : _Dude! I don’t know if I’m up for a party tonight…_

_**Y** : Come on, it’ll be fun. And even if you don’t drink or anything you can meet new people. The foyer group is pretty great_   
_even your friend Eliott is apart of it._

Lucas sighed. He definitely didn’t want to face Eliott tonight. He was so confused on what he was feeling for Eliott. It was like Eliott wasn’t even mad at Lucas for leaving all those years ago. It made sense, because it wasn’t really Lucas’s fault but Lucas just didn’t know what to think. It was like one moment it was back to normal and then the next they were leaning into each other for… for _what_? A kiss? No.

However, Lucas also knew he needed friends and he knew one of the best ways to make friends was to go to parties, and… he truly did not want to be in the apartment with his father for another night longer. So that’s how he found himself with Yann getting ready for the party.

“Dude, you lowkey look like shit, what happened?” Yann asked looking almost concerned.

“Well I was sick for 4 days…” Lucas lied swiftly, and Yann seemed to believe it which Lucas was thankful for even though he felt slightly bad for lying.

That ended that discussion and left them to get ready for the party. Lucas didn’t put much thought into his outfit, wearing black jeans and his favourite shirt with a ladybug on the front of it. (He was weird, don’t judge) He didn’t do anything with his hair, but washed his face and painted the stripes he had painted on his face when they were painting the mural. Yann however, was another story. He actually seemed fairly stressed over how he looked, even though in Lucas’s opinion he looked great.

“Trying to impress someone tonight?” Lucas asked teasingly.

Yann sighed, “That obvious?”

Lucas laughed, “Yeah kinda. So who’s the lucky lady?”

Yann blushed, he actually blushed. “Um… no one. Nothing’s going to happen out of it anyways, she’s interested in someone else.” Yann said pointedly avoiding Lucas’s eyes. “For a while I thought she might like me but I guess not.”

Lucas didn’t know what to say so he walked up behind Yann and said, “You look great, man. If she can’t see what she’s missing out on then she doesn’t deserve you. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and I know these all seem like empty words if you really like her because you probably only want her, but I mean it.”

And that seemed enough for Yann who looked at him gratefully in the mirror, and then they were off to the party, which happened to be hosted at Chloe’s (Lucas was not excited about this part). When they arrived at the party, it seemed to be already in full motion. There was some sort of weird techno pop playing, and it hit Lucas that he was kind of heading into a party full of practically strangers.

“Welcome guys. Hi Yann.” Chloe greeted them at the door “Hey Lucas.” she said looking at Lucas for a beat longer than necessary making Lucas squirm uncomfortably. She let them in the house, people hanging out on every piece of furniture. Lucas already felt bad for the clean-up crew, they had a lot of work to do once the party was over.

Yann and Lucas found a spot on the couch, Arthur and Basile waiting for them. The other boys bombarded him with questions that Lucas wasn’t keen on answering. Why hadn’t he been at school? Did he go to the doctor? Is he okay?

And then Chloe was talking to him getting him out of that situation. He was grateful for the out until he remembered who he was talking to. The boys wiggled their eyes suggestively at them aside from Yann who seemed to be avoiding his gaze again. Chloe was talking about ‘The Clash’ animatedly beside him. Lucas was trying to pay attention, he was, but her voice was really just getting annoying. Something in his mind was telling him not to do what he was about to do but he didn’t care anymore.

He just wanted to forget about his Dad. He wanted to forget about how he wasn’t living with his mother, and she was actually at a mental hospital far away. He wanted to _forget_ about how when he was with Eliott for those short few hours he felt safe, and he wasn’t supposed to feel like that. Whenever he did that, those people _always_ left him. So he leaned in to kiss Chloe, feeling her lips against his own. It was different than when they were younger. Her lips were pressing passionately against his, her hands in his hair gripping tightly. But it didn’t feel right, he wasn’t forgetting anything. He was actually overthinking now. So he pulled away, Chloe whimpering from the loss of contact. She was looking at him, her eyes dark and wanting. Something Lucas was unable to repricorate.

“Fuck, sorry Chloe.” He said, brushing her off feeling like a complete asshole.

When he looked up there was Eliott Demaury looking like he just stepped out of a magazine, only he was wearing a mask. He was staring at Lucas intensely, and Lucas felt underdressed for a moment, completely vulnerable and nervous that Eliott had seen him kissing Chloe. Eliott started walking towards him and Lucas was so overwhelmed, his mind unable to process what was happening to him, he just looked at the floor when Eliott reached him.

“Lucas, hey… are you okay?” Eliott asked concern laced in his words despite yelling into the electropop playing loudly. When Lucas didn’t answer he touched Lucas’s face making him look up at Eliott. And Lucas gasped softly when he saw Eliott's eyes who seemed to genuinely care so much. “Look at me. Lucas, come on lets get some air.”, and for some reason Lucas let himself get dragged out of the party with Eliott.

Once Lucas got outside he felt like he could breathe again.

“I’m going to take you to my place and get away from those noises. You look sad… or confused I don’t know.” Eliott said.

Lucas protested weakly. He just got here.

“No Lucas I’m serious and you know it. Come on I don’t live too far from here.” Eliott said rolling his eyes.

Lucas gave up on his protesting and they made their way to Eliott's. It was an almost awkward walk to Eliott's.

“Thank you.” Lucas said softly, slightly embarrassed. “Sorry for overreacting.”

“Fuck you, you’re not overreacting I’m just glad you’re okay.” Eliott said shrugging off his jacket. “Here take this you look cold.”

He hung his jacket around Lucas’s small frame and Lucas felt safe… even if he was blushing so hard his face felt like it was on fire (and if he smelled Eliott's scent no one had to know).

“Thank you Eliott.” Lucas repeated once they arrived at Eliott's door.

“Of course. We can hang out in my room until you want to go home.” Eliott said shrugging.

When they walked in Mrs. Demaury’s eyes widened at the sight of Lucas with Eliott. She greeted them and asked if they wanted a snack to eat upstairs or something. Eliott mentioned something about strawberries and they went upstairs. Lucas didn’t take Elliott's jacket off and if Eliott noticed, he didn’t say anything. They spent the night talking, and listening to music staring up at the ceiling. It was a nonsense conversation honestly because at one point they were debating whether or not the egg or the chicken came first. (It’s still undecided).

Then Lucas looked at the clock. It was midnight and Lucas didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to see his father, and here with Eliott he didn’t have to think about his father or kissing Chloe or how his mother was in a mental hospital hours away. He was safe here.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Lucas whispered

Eliott nodded.

“I don’t want to go home…” he confessed hiding his face.

Eliott must’ve known or something because he just nodded. “You’re always welcome here. I promise.” he said whispering back.

Their conversation died down until Lucas fell asleep in Eliott's arms. He could tell Eliott anything, he would tell him about his father tomorrow.

 _Maybe_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make my tumblr public now so send me prompts and love(or hate you do you) there if you want.  
> @imonlyusingthisforfunhaha


	8. Cuddles and Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we have some completely 'platonic' #cuddling #ThisHasTheSameEnergyAsTwoBrosSittingInAHotTubFiveFeetApartCauseTheyreNOTGay (well only for our oblivious Lucas)  
> Then Lucas confides in someone. mayhaps the same dude he cuddled with idk... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who doesn't love some #platoniccuddling??? OH! Also the "shh its just me,Lucas" was inspired by the goldfinch wbk. If you know you know. Please interact with me on tumblr @imonlyusingthisforfunhaha Je suis desperate.

When Lucas wakes up halfway into the night he's disoriented, and he feels someone else with him. It all comes back to him, about how he passed out on Eliott, and the party, and his Dad, and Chloe's lips on his. It was all just overwhelming. Lucas stiffens. He shouldn’t be here like _this_ , with Eliott's arms wrapped around him _in_ Eliott’s bed. _How did he get here? Did Eliott carry him?_ He blushes at the idea. Lucas tries to escape Eliott's embrace without waking Eliott, but it only succeeds in Eliott holding him closer to him.

“Shh… it’s only me Lucas.” Eliott says his voice gravelly with sleep.

Lucas freezes. This is _not_ platonic at all. Guys don’t cuddle together. But Lucas can’t concentrate on anything other than the fact that Eliott's spooning him and he feels weirdly comfortable. More than that. He feels secure and protected. And he’s so touch-deprived he doesn’t even care anymore so he leans into Eliott’s touch. Friend’s can cuddle together, _right_? So he slowly drifts back off to sleep.

The next time Lucas wakes up, he wakes up alone. Eliott's nowhere to be seen. Did he just imagine Eliott holding him? It doesn’t seem likely because Elliott's touch feels engraved on his skin. Did he just imagine that? Lucas decides he probably just imagined it and reaches over to Eliott's bedstand where his phone is charging (thank god Eliott had two chargers) to check his messages.

There are a few messages from “The Four Musketeers™” group chat where Arthur and Basile are discussing all the good and bad qualities about tik tok, and a few messages from Yann specifically asking where he was. Lucas answers, feeling guilty for leaving without a word, telling them he was hanging out with Eliott. There is no message from his father but that was to be anticipated.

Lucas finds himself still wearing Eliott's jacket, and it smells like Eliott and it’s so weird but it makes him feel so safe he can’t help but bask in the safety he feels. He hasn’t felt like he belonged for so long. He isn’t sure how long he lays there in Elliott's bed alone when he hears some footsteps gradually making their way towards him. Then he senses someone’s presence for about 5 minutes before he feels somebody running their fingers through his hair. Lucas smiles, it reminds him of how his mother used to do that whenever Lucas got a cold as a child.

“Goodmorning.” somebody’s voice says, and that’s _not_ Lucas’s mom’s voice. This voice is both gravelly and soft, yet strangely familiar.

Lucas flinches away from the touch for a moment, and when he opens his eyes he sees Eliott Demaury who looks almost hurt- Then Lucas smirks at Eliott and Eliott grins back. Lucas yawns and blushes.

“Hi,” Lucas says shyly, any cockiness disappearing once under Eliott's gaze.

“Hi,” Eliott replies

Eliott gets off of the side of the bed he was perched on to search his dresser drawers for clothes that Lucas could wear, completely disregarding Lucas’s objections about Elliott's clothes being too large for him, and launches a t-shirt with an unknown dubstep artist’s name written across the front of it and a pair of sweatpants in Lucas’s direction.

"Here, you can wear these if you want to hang out today?"

“ _Eli_ , I don’t wanna get up,” Lucas whines childishly, the old nickname rolling off his tongue without a thought.

Elliott's cheeks darken, and _did he just blush_? Lucas decides to ignore it. He has other things to worry about. Like his living situation, and how he kissed Chloe last night and- well, he can’t stay over at Elliott's forever. No matter how safe he feels, or how many times Eliott promises. He _can’t_.

Eliott notices the change in the mood and decides to sit right in front of Lucas patiently. Waiting. Waiting for what? For him to talk? How could Lucas possibly talk, because he can’t even _look_ at Eliott? He feels ashamed, that his childhood best friend had to skip a party because of him after years of no communication. When Lucas tells Eliott that, he just replies that it doesn’t matter that he missed the party and that he'd rather be with him. He sounds so genuine, that Lucas can't even question it. He'll probably think about it later but now was not the time.

“I’m sorry anyway,” Lucas mumbles finally looking at Eliott. “I just… I didn’t know what to do at the party and I just panicked? I don’t know…” he trails off.

It takes a good ten minutes until Lucas finally tells Eliott about his father and his father being drunk and scaring him. Then he tells Eliott about Chloe and kissing her, and Lucas catches Eliott looking away when he mentions it. However, through all of it, Eliott listens to him patiently with no interruptions.

“I’m sorry it’s stupid.” Lucas finishes lamely.

“It’s not stupid. Your feelings are always valid even if they seem silly. Nobody else feels what you feel apart from you.” Eliott says softly.

“Damn, when did you become so good with words? Or have you always been this cheesy?” Lucas jokes trying to get rid of the tension in the room. It works partly because Eliott laughs.

“It’s true Lucas,” Eliott says smiling. But then his face gets serious. “I just wish I could keep you safe.”

Lucas blushes profusely at Elliott's words and has to remind himself, ‘ _platonic, platonic, we’re just friends.’_

“It’s okay, I’m okay now,” Lucas tells Eliott, rolling his eyes fondly but he likes that Eliott cares about him. It's been a while since he's felt so cared for. Lucas almost regrets not staying in contact with Eliott all those years. _Almost_.

Eliott sighs, and gets up when Lucas breaks eye contact throwing his shirt at Lucas to wear. “So, you’re _not_ dating Chloe?” Eliott asks casually.

“Huh? Where’d you get that idea?” Lucas says completely confused,

“Oh you know, just when I walked in on you two making out at the party,” Eliott says looking borderline resentful. No that can't be it, they're _platonic_ , remember? Just friends.

Lucas blushes,(will it ever end). “Oh right. Yeah no. We aren’t dating.”

“Oh okay.”

“Yeah.”

They lapse into silence and it is awkward for a few minutes until it becomes comfortable again. That is until Eliott breaks it.

“Lucas?”

“Yes, Eliott?

“I’m bipolar.”

Lucas has heard about bipolar before. Admittingly not very much, just that Basile's mother was. He knew it was a mental illness but Lucas had experience with mental illnesses before and knew it didn't define a person.

“Oh okay. I still love you.”

And suddenly Eliott is hugging him. And Lucas doesn’t know what to do so he hugs him back, if not a bit awkwardly.

“You’re still my best friend Eli,” Lucas says panicking. Because that’s what they are still. Just friends? But Lucas isn’t sure if he just wants to be friends anymore? Elliott's mental illness doesn’t affect them, but what were they? And what did Lucas want anymore? Lucas pushes Eliott away a bit abruptly.

“Well, I guess I should go home now,” Lucas says and a hint of unmistakable disappointment flashes across Elliott's face. “Thank you for last night. I needed it.” Lucas says, blushing as he realizes their proximity.

And for once Eliott backs away first. “Yeah of course. You’re always welcome here, which you already know since I tell you that like every second of every day, and um I’ll see you at school Lucas.” Eliott says quickly, his words jumbling together.

And Eliott looks nervous for a second, so Lucas hugs him quickly again as a thank you, and if he basks in it a little longer than necessary it's _strictly_ platonic.

“Yeah of course.”

“Bye Lucas.”

Lucas looks at Eliott for a minute before he gathers his phone off the bed stand and shrugs off Elliott's jacket, thanking him again. He looks at Eliott only to find him already looking right back at him. Lucas feels his cheeks flushing again under Elliott's gaze and rushes down the stairs and away from the Demaury’s household for the second time in two weeks. He walks down the street to the nearest convenience store phoning Yann to pick him up. And while he waits, he can’t help but wish he kept Eliott's jacket.

But that wouldn’t be right. He knows that they were _only_ friend’s after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this fandom dead? Also, hi thanks for reading. Uploading late tonight sorry!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a kudo or comment if you liked it, I love receiving and reading them.  
> Tumblr: @imonlyusingthisforfunhaha  
> (send me prompts)


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